Saturday 11 p.m. to Sunday 11 p.m. ... 24 hours of events that put me in a roller coaster.

In the first 12 hours I had to endure tests of acceptance, undivided loyalty, fulfilling obligation and communication. Throughout the tests I was happy and I was saddened. My heart was torn into two. I questioned loyalty and my loyalty was questioned. I had to face the risk of being labeled untrustworthy, and ultimately losing someone dear.

The next 12 hours was an enlightenment. The results slowly unfolded when the events were revisited. As answers to the mysteries came to light I discovered what I really wanted to hold dear to me, what was close to my heart. I learned more about accepting people as who they are; about being loyal to the people who are loyal to me; about fulfilling my obligation when it is called for; and about the importance of communicating intentions early and clearly.

The 24 hours were eventful. I came out with more confidence ...

"why are you smiling by yourself?"

"oh, am i?"

"yes you are."

"ok, i'll tell you the next time i'm going to smile. we'll smile together. are you ready? here we go ... 1, 2, 3, smile!"

heh heh heh ...

i was bound to my painful past by an elastic rubber rope.

everytime i tried to walk away from the past i was pulled back to the past by the rope. the farther i walked, the harder it was to take another step, and the stronger i was catapulted back to the past. at the end i always ended up slumping at the foot of the past, exhausted. the world was gloomy as i wallowed in the memories of the past.

i reckon the elastic rubber rope was the hope i had that i thought could salvage the situation i was in. i began to slowly realise it was a false hope. the painful past became much bitter by the day. that gave me more impetus to walk farther from the past. grinding my feet firmly into the ground, i fought the force of the elastic rope inch by inch. but that rope was still there, strapping me tightly.

recently i had a strong boost to walk farther from the painful past. i had enough strength to walk -- nay, run -- farther until the elastic rope reached its crucial breaking point and snapped. i was unleashed! it was a breakthrough.

i am finally free from that elastic rope but not necessariy from the painful past. i can go as far away from it as i wish and i can revisit it anytime i like. the past will always be part of who i am; however, i am no longer bound to it.

to the kindred spirit who appeared out of nowhere, thank you for the inspiration that gave me the boost.

yesterday's tomorrow is today.

never again can i reach yesterday. never will i know if tomorrow comes. today is all i've got.

today i live my life to the fullest. i'm giving my best in all roles i play. some people appreciate what i do. to them i'd like to say, "thank you very much for appreciating me; enjoy it."

other people say that my best isn't good enough. to these people i'd like to say, "giving my best is not about fulfilling your definition of 'best'; it is about fulfilling mine."

here's part of the chorus from bon jovi's "it's my life" which i copied from this site ...

it's my life
it's now or never
i ain't gonna live forever
i just want to live while i'm alive

my heart is like an open highway
like frankie said
i did it my way
i just wanna live while i'm alive
it's my life

wooo hoooo!

i met a good friend for tea after office yesterday. upon seeing me she remarked, "wow! you look very happy that you can glow in the dark."

yes of course i was very happy yesterday. first reason -- i got an unexpectedly high rating for my performance. second reason (which still keeps me happy till today) -- is for me to know and for you to mind your own business. heh heh ...

hey, i should try david letterman's top 10 list format. that should be fun. well, next time maybe.

i read something about meniere's disease. i can't even pronounce that name. it's not actually a disease. there's no virus or microbes involved. it's more of a condition or syndrome. the cause and origin are still unknown.

why the sudden interest in this disease? the doctor i visited last week suspected that i may have this disease. the symptom of dizziness pointed her to that claim. but during visits before that, she had said i had an athritis that attacks the veins on my temples. long before that she had said i'm one of 30% of the world population that suffers from low blood pressure. i told her to make up her mind. she said that to be sure i'd have to do a scan of my head; there could be something growing in it. oops! am i growing extra brain or what? anyhow, that scared me ... for a moment.

a car breaks down because of an engine failure, or a radiator leak, or a host of other reasons. but it just needs one reason to break down. like a car, i need just one reason to die -- old age, disease, or a host of other reasons. this could be the reason. who knows. but i'll surely die one day.

i'm still happy today. let's see if i'll be glowing in the dark tonight. woooo hoooo!