i have a lot to say. but i can't find the time to tap the keyboard. so i drafted a lot of stuff in my head. by the time i do have the time, it's all gone and i'm tounge-tied.

one thing on top of my mind is about my career with this company. i'm about to reach the point of no return. i have to decide now.

but i don't know what's the next move -- what is the kind of job available for me that would excite me? what are the jobs available in the company? what would i excel at?

i want my remaining years in this company to be meaningful -- to be productive for the company and at the same time to be recognized and rewarded. i don't want to fall into oblivion, to be just one of the faces. i will find it difficult to drag myself out of the office.

i'm reaching deep down in my soul to re-evalute my existence in this company and in a bigger contact, my existence in this world. come to think of it, these are the same stuff i thought about when i started my adult life.

so, what do you call this? a mid-life crisis? nope, i'd like to call it mid-life review. yeah that's exactly what i've been doing these past few weeks. i've mentally noted down the high and low points in my life.

there are things i failed terribly at. i need to improve upon them. the time that past will never come back. there's only the future. i don't know how much time is left ahead of me for me to make up for all my failures i made. however, i resolve that i will do good a bit each day, be strong to stay away from the bad, and may God Most Gracious guide me in each step of the way.

aamiiiin ...